The Complicated Love of Two Complicated People
by A Dreamer's Eyes
Summary: A bunch of one-shots featuring the fierce and beyond complicated pairing of Zaraki and Soi Fon. YoruSoi will be mentioned.
1. Chapter 1

AN: Thanks to kira michi, I decided to make a bunch of one shots about the complicated love of Zaraki Kenpachi and Soi Fon. Hope you enjoy it!

A Promise

Soi Fon's POV

It had started off like one of those days, where you wish you could just climb back into the warmth of your cozy bed, curl up into a ball, and start all over. Nevertheless, that is not the case. My day had started off terrible and, most likely, will end in the same manner. So why can I not make other's lives a miserable hell, just like they made mine…

This morning was like any other morning. I had awaken from a nice, sweet peaceful dream about a feline… you get the picture. Moreover, I did not know that this day would be as if the black cat of my dreams would be unlucky in a sense. I yawned and stretched feeling my muscles loosen, but I was rudely interrupted. Pounding sounded at my door as the great oaf Omaeda disturbed my serene solitude, "Captain! There's an emergency your *chomp* needed *chomp* *gulp* right away!"

My eye twitched in irritation, it was 7 in the morning and that fat lard was already getting into snacks, "What is this "crisis" Omaeda?"

"*chomp* It hash shometing to do wid a meeching *chomp*."

I started to climb from my bed, preparing myself to beat that disgusting man into a bloody pulp for his lack of manners, when my foot got tangled in the sheets. A second later I was face first kissing the floor and groaning in pain. Of course from hearing my fall, Omaeda burst through my door roaring, "CAPTAIN! ARE YO-!" he didn't get to finish that statement as my foot found its way to his huge face. I continued my angry kicking for sometime until I landed smoothly onto the ground feeling a little bit better. Omaeda, on the other hand, was more concerned about his now swollen and bleeding face to care if I was unharmed. Oh well, he got what he deserved for almost seeing my kitty pajamas and…stuffed animal full of love.

I briskly went to the bathroom, clean clothes in hand; a nice shower should help with this aggravation. As I stripped away my clothes, turned on and climbed into the shower, Omaeda began to yell, "Captain! There is maintenance being worked o-!" Too late, in an instant the nice warmth became unbearably cold and then in an instant, as hot as hell. Swearing I stormed out, soak in wet and butt naked, right in front of my foolish vice-captain. He was too shocked to really get a good look at me, before my foot was, again, beating into his fat face, and just then I realized, today was not my day.

Snarling I slammed my foot into his groin before, grabbing my clothes and flash stepping out of the room to dress. When finished I ordered some of my men to take Omaeda to the fourth, I couldn't have him bleed everywhere. Right before my men arrived, however, I grabbed Omaeda by what he called "hair" and sneered, "Now, what meeting were you saying Omaeda?"

He whimpered as he replied, "You have a captain's meeting today at 9."

I blinked, today? I dared to take a glance at the clock…8:47! "Shit!" I bolted from my division just as my men came to retrieve Omaeda. As I left I could barely hear the murmurs of the insolent fools, "PMS much?" My fist clenched, they will pay. Oh they will suffer.

I reached my destination in record time; I was at my limit when it came to patience. One more disrespectful thing would, how should I say, put me over the edge. Storming into the room I heard that little runt Hitsugaya mumble under his breath, "Look, the _queen _has arrived."

Spinning around to meet his gaze I scowled, "What was that you little snot nosed spoiled brat who's too young to be a goddamn captain?"

He gave me an "icy" glare. I laughed; he dares challenge me, the ruler of all glares? I sent him one of my own. Since my anger was already boiling, my glower was so intense, that I could feel the chill admitting from it. To my delight he flinched as he looked away mumbling, "Bitch."

I smirked, as I took my place next to the elderly healer. She smiled as she asked, "How are you feeling today, Captain Soi Fon?"

"I'm fine," liar.

"Oh? You seem so…overwrought. Have you been taking your medication?"

I could hear the snickering from some of the other "captains" when they heard the word meds or something, "Yes, I have."

The woman was insistent, "Really? Are you positive?"

"Yes."

"…Are you lying to me?"

"No."

She cocked her head to the side, "Captain Soi Fon, as the supervisor of your health I hope you are telling me the truth."

My vein throbbed in my head, there goes my patience; "I'm fine Unohana. I am not lying and if you would like me to be more truthful with you, you're pissing me off! Just SHUT UP!" The older woman became quiet; disappoint warping her pretty features as she bowed her head in shame. I turned away. I would not succumb to guilt.

All eyes were on me as everyone seemed to be gazing at me with dissatisfaction. Thank goodness for Yamamoto, entering just that second bellowing away, "Ah! It's quiet! That's the way all meetings should be!" More silence followed as the intensity of the stares increased. "Well let's begin shall we. Captain Kuchiki, your report on the world of the living please."

"Hai."

The meeting went on as usual, boring and none to my interest… Until that fox /dog thing had to say something, "May I ask a question Yamamoto-soutaicho?"

"You may."

"Thank you," his eyes looked around the room at each of us captains, before locking eyes with the general, "Why is it that we must send our subordinates out to the world of the living when that traitor, Yoruichi, is already there? Why doesn't she help, is she such a pompous backstabber that her view of justice is tainted?"

My reaitsu began to fluctuate to a great amount, "What did you just call Yoruichi-sama, fox?"

Komamura's attention was averted to my direction, "I believe you heard me correct captain. Understand this; justice is what should truly make up the world, not crime. We can not have some deserter walk around freely when she has committed treason."

I stepped forward, "Treason? She followed her beliefs you goddamn mutt!"

He began to growl, "Mutt? I dear say, I would watch my tongue it I were you, _captain_."

My fists and teeth clenched, "I should say the same."

The once helmet head turned toward Yamamoto, ears twitching, "Really Soutaicho, why don't we just arrest that no good conspirator and sentence her to what she really deserves. Prison, perhaps? Or maybe, declawed?"

I snapped, "YOU BASTARD!" Lunging I withdrew my blade from my sheath aiming at the flea bag's chest. Just one hit and he would fall. But as my blade made for his heart, another weapon had blocked my path. I glared at my opponent, reaitsu continuing to amplify as I snarled, "Move away, Zaraki."

The blood thirsty captain smirked, "Drop your blade, shrimp." He swatted at me grinning at the chance to have a mêlée. I had no time for this. I leapt up as he swung at me again and pushed off his sword. That gave me enough air to _almost_ hit Sajin in his furry ass face. Nonetheless, the giant ox sprung around and slammed the hilt of his sword into my hand causing my blade to fall and clatter to the ground. Cursing I faced the man and intended to knock him off his feet, but he saw right through my plan, and caught my leg lifting me off the ground. I kicked and thrashed, but to no avail. He was ready for this it seemed. Still smiling his grip tightened as he asked, "Oi! Sir Yama, permission to take her out of here?"

"Let me go! You jackass of a man! Put me down!"

"Permission granted." 'Since when am I, Yama?' Yamamoto thought.

"Thanks." He headed towards the door, steel grip tight around my ankle, sword over his shoulder.

"Put me down! I'll kill you Zaraki! You too fox!" They, the arrogant captains, all ignored my yells as Kenpachi continued to carry me out of the room.

Once outside he threw me meaninglessly to the ground. Getting up I charged at him again, but my anger had blocked my concentration. He simply back handed me into the nearest wall, shaking his head, "Oi, relax for a sec."

I attacked again, "No!" Again he avoided my assault.

"Dumbass! I just saved your shrimp ass from getting suspended! You should be grateful!"

"Grateful?! I had everything under control, you great oaf!" He caught my punch with ease, "Why the hell do you care anyway?!"

He laughed, "Who knows?! I just followed my instincts…WOULD YOU STOP?!"

I continued trying to injure him, my anger and stress was taking over, I couldn't stop. I needed respite, "Idiot!"

He sighed as, in a surprising move, he slammed his fist into my stomach knocking the wind right out of my lungs, "Calm down you annoying bitch!" I couldn't move for my body seemed to have shut down from his strike. Grumbling he picked my vulnerable form up and tossed me carelessly over his shoulder. I didn't fight, what other choices did I have? He began to walk and a moment later was running at an incredible speed…I think I lost my breakfast right then.

A few minutes later, to my absolute relief, we stopped at an open meadow like area. He set me, not as harshly as before, on the ground as he lifted his face to the wind, "You ok?"

I scanned the area, there was nothing here. Just endless fields of grass, a few trees and …nothingness, peacefulness, "Yeah…"

"You love her...don't ya?"

I glanced at him, "What are you talking about?"

He scratched under his chin, a yawn escaping his lips, "The "traitor." You love her."

I didn't reply. I knew the answer, and so did he.

"Che," he bounced from foot to foot, "Doesn't matter. She _is_ hot."

I snorted and rolled my eyes, "Pervert."

He nodded, satisfied with the answer before walking over to a nearby tree. Reaching up he withdrew two branches and threw one to me, "You wanna knock off some steam?"

I caught the branch with ease, eyeing the stick up and down, before I smirked, "Definitely."

He shot me his infamous shark like grin before taking off his coat and laying his sword gently on the ground. I looked down at my form searching for Suzumebachi; I must've left it back at the meeting. Surely one of the captains would bring it to me. I took off my coat as well, feeling the cool breeze dance across my face and arms. Holding the branch up I motioned for him to attack. He continued to "smile" as he bolted forward slamming his down against mine. The force was exhilarating, and for a split second, all the stress and annoyance of today seemed to disappear as we continued to spar for no reason at all.

Time after time, blow after blow, and our tension seemed to decrease while our "fun," our pleasure, increased. For the first time since, well, since I was training with Yoruichi, I actually loosened up my body and soul. I felt like a young girl again, of course I _am_ young. Smirking I slammed my "weapon" against his over and over. After a few more strikes, a loud "Crack!" was heard as his snapped in half. He chuckled and smiled as he positioned himself ready to fight hand to hand combat, my style of fighting. Grinning I threw my branch on the ground and charged forward. We exchanged hits, our hands and legs crashed into one another. Smirking, I flashed stepped behind him and to my shock he flash stepped away. Landing a few yards away he said, "I hate that stupid technique."

I blinked in confusion, "Then, why use it?"

He shrugged, "Didn't that crazy cat lady use it?"

I stopped in my tracks as he ran forward knocking me over. I rubbed my head, "Yeah, but why use it? I didn't even know you could."

"There's a lot of things you don't know 'bout me, Captain!" He raised his leg and slammed it down towards my form.

I rolled out of the way and flipped onto my feet, "I'm still baffled as to why _you_ would use it."

He sent me a glance with a look that said 'What are you stupid?' "Let's just say it makes you less tense. Pretend I'm that pussy of a woman."

I shook my head as our bodies became tangled yet again, in our fight for dominance, "I see, you want me to feel better, by offending my once sensei. Pathetic!" I flash stepped behind him but this time didn't hold back. My foot met his back with great intensity. He fell forward, and hit the ground. Landing next to him I picked up his unknown zanpakuto, "I suggest you don't bring Yoruichi up again," I pressed the cold steel into his neck, "She doesn't need to be spoken about by scum like you, let alone, insulted!"

"I see." In a quick blink of the eye his reaitsu flared to an extraordinary level. He had taken his eye patch off. The force knocked me back as I fell to my knees, weakly I stood up facing him with determination as he began to yell, "YOU DON'T GET IT DO YA?! ALL YOU EVER THINK ABOUT IS YORUICHI THIS, YORUICHI THAT! GET OVER HER!" he bounded forward grabbing me by the shoulders as he leaned down to meet my eye level, "SHE'S NOT COMING BACK FOR YOU! SHE DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY AS YOU DO! SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!"

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!" I pushed him away my reaitsu rising in a great amount as well, "SHE MIGHT COME BACK FOR ME! SHE'S MY SENSEI!" tears began to form and fall from my steel grey orbs.

"SHE DOESN'T CARE!" he walked forward wiping away the fallen tears as he leaned close, "She doesn't care." His reaitsu died down as he placed his eye patch back on.

I looked away; he was right. Yoruichi-sama was not coming back for a long time. I knew I had to let her go, but that may take years, _centuries_, on end. I had to try at least. I fell to my knees again as I stared blankly at the ground, "Why do you care so much?"

He gave me a puzzled glance, "'Bout what?"

I lifted my face up to meet his he could be so dense, "About me. About how I have to get over her! WHY KENPACHI?! WHY DO YOU CARE?!"

For the first time, since I have ever met him, he smiled, but it wasn't that shark smile or that 'I'm gonna kill you smile,' no, it was a gentle smile, a true heartfelt smile, "'Cause I like your guts."

I stared, "My "guts?""

"Yeah, your guts." He crossed the distance between us, leaning down really close. I could smell his sweat, blood and power, "You're a powerful woman Soi Fon. I respect that."

I gawked, that had to be another first to remember. He said my name without the use of "midget" or "shrimp", "What the hell are you talking about Kenpachi?!"

He laughed as he softly touched my face, "You are such a fucking, goddamn woman." He closed the distance placing a small, yet meaningful, kiss on my lips.

When he pulled away, I felt like I was floating. Yoruichi had given me sweet kisses just like that, but…I think I enjoyed this one way more. It held not only tenderness, but a promise; he would be there when I would fall. A smile formed on my lips as I gazed at him with determination, "Was that supposed to make me feel better?"

He chuckled, "Yeah…I guess so, shrimp."

I punched him as I held out my hand, "Walk me home."

He grinned, "With pleasure."

Okay, okay, maybe this day wasn't as bad after all. Sure it started horribly, but…I think it ended just like a girl would want. Like a "fairy tale," or some shit like that. Whatever.

Now as I dream, it's not just about black cats, but about lions…lions with bells…

AN: That's it. Reviews are always welcomed!


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thank you kira michi for giving me the idea that there should indeed be more ZarakixSoi. Hope you enjoy

Of Midnight Walks and Black Cats

The crisp night air brushed softly across Soi Fon's skin as she solemnly walked through the lonely park of Karukaura town. She, Kenpachi, and a few of their subordinates had been given the task to patrol the small, yet bustling town, it seems hollow activity was beyond normal levels. Sighing she scanned the area, wrapping her thin beige jacket snugly around her small body. It was indeed beautiful out, the moon at its highest in the starry night sky.

Another shiver racked her spine as she paused and sat down on a worn wooden bench. Why did she have to guard this small worthless city? I mean, she was a captain after all, but why couldn't they just send the pathetic fat lard Omaeda in her place? Shaking her head, she slouched over, placing her chin in the palm if her hands, cursing her bad luck.

Minutes passed and she continued to shiver in the evening's breeze. The wind picked up more might, causing the leaves to dance swiftly around her feet, mocking her and her lonesomeness. She closed her steel grey eyes and wondered what Yoruichi-sama was doing at this time of darkness? Was she alone, like Soi Fon, wanting her old vice-captain's company, craving for a lover's touch?

Nevertheless, a tiny feeble, "Meow," interrupted her thoughts. Sitting upright she eagerly looked around, "Yoruichi-sama?" Her answer was a small rub up against her shins. Glancing down her eyes met the bright green-yellowish ones of a little black kitten, "You're not Yoruichi-sama." It purred as it continued to pat at her boots, "Uh…Shoo! Go on! Shoo!" Soi Fon tried to gently push the tiny black cat away, but failed miserably as it kept coming back; refusing to leave the warmth her body gave off. The short woman watched as another gust of wind caused the kitten to whine and paw more forcibly at her legs. "You're cold too, huh?" Leaning down she tenderly scooped up the feline and placed it inside her jacket, "There you go, all better." The cat gave a soft, "Mew!" as it curled into the warmth and kindness the woman gave.

Soi Fon sighed as she leaned back against the cool wood, "…Yoruichi-sama used to do this. She would always morph into her cat form at the worst possible times; in the snow, rain, hail, you name it. I would always have to be the one to make sure she was alright and safe from the harsh weather."

"Really? I never knew that."

Shocked she spun her head around glaring at the intruder, "What do you want, Kenpachi?"

He shrugged before sitting down next to her, causing the bench to groan from under his weight, "We got a message from Yama-jii saying we can come back now…But I don't think ya want to." He nodded towards the purring bundle of fur held affectionately in her arms, "New friend?"

"Shut up. It was cold and the poor pitiful thing would freeze to death if I didn't help it." She pulled the cat closer to her, afraid it _would _in fact freeze and die, "So, you came out looking for me?"

He scoffed, "Had to. No one knew where ya were. Ya weren't answering your damn phone or anything. I was lucky that I even found ya, not really good at detecting reaitsu…" He reached over and rubbed the tiny kitten behind its ears causing it to purr even louder, "It's kinda cute if ya like balls of fur and shit."

Soi Fon continued to gaze at the black cat, "I think it's adorable."

Zaraki gave a snort, "Not surprised…Ya know ya can't keep it."

She nodded, "Yeah, I know."

Grumbling he stood up, "Come on, let's walk or something. We need to move to keep warm…"

Standing up she clutched the kitten even tighter as another powerful draft flew by. Shivering, her teeth shattered within her mouth, "R-remind me t-to t-tell Ya-Yamamoto-s-sama that I h-hate h-him and h-hope he d-dies."

Laughing Kenpachi took off his large black over coat and tossed it around her slim shoulders, "Will do."

Nestling deeper into the heat Kenpachi's body had exerted, the petite woman murmured, "You're going to freeze."

He shook his head, "Nope. The healer told me it was 'cause of my high reaitsu or something like that. I'm fine, and besides…" he stroked the cat and grinned, "I don't want both of ya to be too cold. That's just cruel, ya know?"

The woman raised an eyebrow in question, "Since when does the bloodthirsty Zaraki Kenpachi care about anyone's wellbeing?"

He glanced up at the moon, a smirk forming across his lips, "When ya raise a daughter ya love with all ya heart, it changes ya."

"I wouldn't know about family…but you are correct, _love_ changes people, for good and for worse."

They continued to walk in the solace of silence, enjoying one another's company. When they came across the entrance of the park, Soi Fon glanced down at the little kitten she held protectively in her powerful arms, "I guess this is where we part." She placed it gently down on the ground smiling, "I wish you well."

The cat gave her a small "Mew!" of gratitude before taking off in an unknown direction. Both captains of the Gotei 13 watched the little black cat before it was gone and out of sight. Turning towards her companion Soi Fon gave Zaraki an ice cold, but not as powerful as usual, glare, "We do not talk about this to _anyone_. Understand?"

The large man grinned, pretended to zip his mouth shut, and then wrapped a muscular arm around her, "Not a word."

AN: Please Review


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Ok, 3rd chapter up and sorry about the other stories...I'm getting there.

Agreements

"Glad you could make it."

"I didn't really have a choice. When ten goddamn ninja guys come flippin' into your office, ya kinda are forced to accept the offer."

"Only ten? I thought I sent twenty…" She took a long sip before placing the beautiful porcelain cup onto the tray. Folding her hands to the front of her, Captain Soi Fon gave her "guest" a long observant stare, "To tell you the truth, Captain Zaraki, I thought you and your repulsive manner would come barging in here, sword drawn, and swearing obscenities left and right. Why didn't you?"

A snort escaped his throat as he grumbled something under his breath about "manners my ass" while taking a seat across from her. In one swift motion, he gently picked up t matching china, taking a long well deserved swig from it, "It's not everyday that the captain of the 2nd invites ya to her domain," he sent her a smug look, "I guess ya could say I was curious."

Her steel grey eyes met his in a ferocious silent battle, "Curiosity kills the cat, Captain Zaraki."

"Tch, I guess it does. So what do ya want?"

She broke eye contact and studied an odd looking spot on the wall, probably a mark from the vase she had "accidentally" thrown at Omaeda's large fat head, "I have seen an object that I would like to have in my possession."

He frowned, "What the hell does that have to do with me?"

Soi Fon calmly took a deep breath, the barbarian's lack of manners was sickening, "I believe it's in your division, Captain Zaraki."

"In my division? What the fuck do I have?"

"Well, it's not what _you _have per say," she picked up the porcelain cup and clutched it tightly, almost to the extant of it shattering, "Your vice-captain is the one who does."

With a skeptical look, Zaraki reclined into a relaxed position, hands behind his head, legs outstretched in front of him, "Yachiru? Did she steal somethin'?"

"No, I suppose you purchased this item for her."

"I _bought_ it for her? Candy?"

"No uh…It's, well," she bowed her head, mumbling the last part, "a specific stuffed animal."

He blinked a few times before roaring with laughter, "Are you fucking serious?!"

Her eyebrow twitched, "I do not joke, Captain."

He laughed even harder, "Holy shit! I thought you were obsessed, but not _that _obsessed!"

A loud "Crack!" echoed in the small dimly lit room, before a few pieces of the previous china dropped lifelessly to the hard wooden ground. Soi Fon gave the large man and icy glare, as her teeth gritted in irritation. Hissing she replied, "I am **not** obsessed, Captain Zaraki."

His grinned widened, if that was even possible, "Well ya coulda fooled me and maybe the whole Sereitei." Wiping some of the tears away he became "serious," "Really, if ya want something of Yachiru's, you're gonna have to negotiate with her."

"Tell her if she wants candy, I have loads and loads of it." Thanks to that stupid fat lard Omaeda.

"Oh no! I'm not gonna tell her that for ya!"

"Why not, I mean you live with her, couldn't you just ask?" She had shivered at the thought of approaching Yachiru on this manner. The little girl was vicious when it came to her stuff and would cause tremendous amount of embarrassment and harassment to her victims…There's proof in a few of the Shinigami Women's Association scrap books.

"Nope," he placed a finger on his lip, and thought for a few moments, "Unless ya give something to me. Ya know a trade."

She stared, "What is it _you_ want?"

He grinned, "Oh I don't know, maybe some sake and…a kiss?"

In a flash, her anger had increased, as the room groaned from the amount of reaitsu her small body unleased, "I WILL NOT DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, YOU DISGUSTING, FILTHY, WORTHLESS FOOL! WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?! A WHORE?!"

He shrugged, "Fine, be like that, but you're gonna have to ask her yourself."

Was it worth it? Either suffer the large amount of social disaster and dread or take up on the man's offer? Sure Kenpachi was somewhat attractive, if you like bloodthirsty imbeciles and sure, maybe she had thought about kissing a man…Yoruichi was the only person she ever kissed, not like she'd tell anyone that of course, "…Very well. I will purchase you a month's supply of sake and…give you a small kiss."

He smiled that famous shark tooth grin, "Now that's what I'm talking about."

Both captains stood as Soi Fon crossed over to where he was. She supported herself by grabbing his shoulders before pressing her lips against his own. It started out simple, but soon turned to something more as their agreement, to her utter surprise, grew passionate and heated. She felt his tongue glide upon her lower trembling lip, then slid into her mouth, wrestling with hers. The feeling was unbelievable and right when they broke apart for air; she just reached back up and pulled him in again.

Minutes ticked by as the two finally withdrew from their "powerful negotiation". Blushing, the petite woman glanced over at the same spot on the wall and grumbled, "Your sake will be delivered and I expect the item on my desk by sundown."

His eyes were still glazed over with lust, but he nodded before exiting the room.

To Soi Fon's absolute horror, the item was not on her desk by sundown. In fact, it was not on her desk at all for the rest of the week and she was too busy to go to the 11th her self to retrieve it; it seemed hollows were just popping up like dandelions these days. So on the day of the captains meeting she left immediately to hunt down the lying, cheating fool.

As she waited outside the large doors of the 1st, she heard a voice sound through the air, "Buggy-chan!" Turning she came face to face with the captain and vice-captain of the 11th division, "I have your stuffed animal Mr. Whiskers right here!"

The humiliated captain ripped the stuffed black cat out of her clutches and stuffed it under her shirt, "Thank you for your time." Heel toeing it into the 1st, she could hear a few of the other captains snicker at her, but she ignored them. It was worth it.

AN: I hope you enjoyed it, Please Review.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Really short, Hope you enjoy.

Soi Fon: More than a Man

Zaraki Kenpachi had always thought that he was the man, the alpha male. It seemed that nobody, not a human, shinigami, or arrancar could prove that theory, that designation, wrong, until one day, he lost the title…for good…

Grumbling the great swordsman followed the hand to hand combating goddess through the halls of the 4th division. Soi Fon had been complaining on and off about her stomach for days and she _never _complained about something as subtle and pointless as that. So that peaceful morning, she and her bloodthirsty partner, found themselves walking through the weird smelling halls of the healing squad barracks.

"Damnit Soi! Why didn't ya take an Advil or somethin'?"

The short woman sighed and shook her head, "I did, Kenpachi, but it still hurts."

Growling he continued to sulk behind her, he hated coming to this God forsaken place, "Couldn't ya just ask the healer to make a house call?"

She rubbed her temples in irritation, why did she have to fall for the whiner? "Captain Unohana is a very busy woman. I'm lucky enough that she even accepted my request…You know you didn't have to come with me."

"Tsk, I didn't want ya to faint on your way here."

"It's right next door to my division."

He scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, "Yeah, well…whatever."

Arriving at the door, the two nervous captains gently knocked and listened for the okay to enter. When they did, Unohana Retsu gave them a warm smile, cup of tea in hand, "Oh hello Captain Soi Fon, Captain Zaraki! I'm glad you are here about your little problem. Tea?"

Soi Fon shook her head, "No, let's just get this over and done with. I have a lot to do."

Zaraki nodded in agreement, "Same."

"Very well," the sweet, yet at the same time, frightening captain replied, as she gently placed the porcelain cup on her desk. Walking over to a side door she called over her shoulder, "Please follow me Captain Soi Fon. Captain Zaraki, please sit down and relax."

Grunting an okay, Zaraki sat down and began to wait. Minutes ticked by and soon the large man began to pace around, reaitsu flaring in anticipation. Was she alright? Is she hurt? Did I do it?

After the two female captains finally exited, Unohana gave another innocent smile, "I will run the test, and give you the results in a day or so."

Both nodded and quickly shunpoed out of the division.

It was around 10 at night, when Isane handed Retsu the results. Sitting at her desk, calmly sipping her jasmine flavored tea, she swiftly opened the manila envelope. Choking, the woman dropped her cup, causing it to shatter, and frantically re read the test results, in both shock and horror, "Oh my goodness."

The next day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and all the captains found themselves dragging their heavy bodies towards the 1st for yet another dreaded meeting. Zaraki walked hand in hand with Soi Fon, both anxious to hear what Unohana had discovered. Seeing her patiently waiting for them outside the great doors, Soi Fon nodded her head in acknowledgement, "Good morning Captain Unohana. Uh…did you find out anything?"

Retsu's lack of sleep had caused obvious deep sacks to form under her eyes as she vigorously nodded her head, "Oh yes, yes I most certainly did."

Soi Fon's eyes met with Zaraki's. Turning her attention back to the healer, she gave her a curious look, "And?"

Taking a few deep breaths, the older woman smiled widely, "Congratulations Captain Soi Fon and Zaraki! You're going to have a bouncing baby shinigami!" A loud "Thump!" rang through the air, "CAPTAIN ZARAKI!"

The man's limp form had created a ditch from all of his dead weight. Glancing down at her lover's unconscious form, Soi Fon sighed shaking her head, "I knew I shouldn't have been the dominant one in bed."

AN: Like always Please Review!


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Alrighty Number 5 is finally up, and this is based of Agreements so read that first! Got this thought from reading VFSNAKE's To Love Zaraki Kenpachi. Hope everyone enjoys this and you had better read that story if you support Ken-chan!

Punish

"Okay first order of business," Ise murmured pushing her thin wired glasses back up her nose, while glancing around at the Shinigami Women's Association's members, "The usual gossip. Any takers?"

A hand shot up instantaneously as Matsumoto Rangiku began to wave vigorously, trying to capture her dear friend's utmost attention.

"Anyone _other_ than Rangiku?"

Nobody even flinched.

A sigh escaped the vice-president's thin lips, "Yes Rangiku?"

Standing up, the bodacious woman grinned widely and enthusiastically. Clearing her throat she pointed around her, "My dear friends," a few groans sounded at the eagerness in her happy voice, "I have discovered something of absolute importance!"

Yachiru giggled as she sucked on her big red lollipop, "What is it Booby-chan?"

The 10th division's beloved vice-captain seemed to smile even wider, "I'm glad you asked President Kusajishi!" Walking towards the chalkboard stationed in the front of the small room, the strawberry-blonde picked up some chalk and eagerly wrote "Top 10 Male Kissers in Sereitei!" Turning back around she gazed at everyone with such intensity that it even made Soi Fon shudder in nervousness, "You see I have concocted a small experiment that made 10 famous men in the Gotei 13 kiss me." Here she ideally played with her large assets, "I'm not going to say how, since that's not of importance. What _is_ significant is that I have indeed received huge information that I'm sure all you young _single_ ladies would like to take into consideration." (AN: Leave it to Matsumoto to sound smart.)

Silence answered her, before Nemu raised her hand, "Yes Nemu-san?"

The usually silent emotionless woman stood up, "Um…how is this really vital for ourselves and wellbeing?"

Rangiku shook her head in such shock and disgust, before bellowing an, "Are you serious?!" She faced everyone else who looked at her with utter confusion, "Have any of you even considered dating, let alone, _kissing_?"

"Not really," Nanoa replied with yet another sigh, "It's not like we have much free time."

"B-but haven't you all ever wondered what kissing Captain Kuchiki is like?!"

That got their attention. The room seemed to tense as Isane muttered out, "Y-you've k-kissed Captain K-Kuchiki?!"

Matsumoto sent her a smug look, "I have!"

Instantly she was bombarded with questions like "What was it like?" "Was it amazing?" "Was he good?" "Ew! Why would ya kiss Bya-chan, Booby-chan?" only Soi Fon remained in her seat.

"Ladies! Ladies! Calm yourselves," Rangiku briskly walked back over to the chalk board and quickly wrote down the top ten shinigami from weakest to most powerful kisser.

When she finished there was a small gasp that echoed around the room as all of the women's mouths almost hit the floor while their eyes widened in astonishment, "W-what do y-you mean Captain Kuchiki was 7th best?!"

Even louder shrieks echoed the small room, "C-captain Z-Zaraki was the best?!"

The strawberry-blonde's icy blue eyes glazed over with such lust and passion that made even the Captain of the 2nd glanced enviously at the large breasted woman, "I felt like I was flying, dancing in the heavens above. It was downright AMAZING, and believe me, I've kissed men before…" She then seemed to doze off into Cloud 9.

Silence, except for Yachiru's rambling away about how "icky" it was to make "kissy face" at someone, but little did she know that each female who was there had oh so different thoughts towards this matter: Nemu pondered about how she could accidently test her "hypothesis" out on the large barbarian captain. Ise and Isane's faces were so red from the dirty fantasies that had flowed into their intelligent minds. Kyone kept shaking her head, trying to think only of Captain Ukitake and _not_ Captain Zaraki. Nevertheless it was Soi Fon who was the one to keep your eyes on…

Looking around the small room, Matsumoto questioned out loud, "Uh…Where's Captain Soi Fon?"

*************************************************************************************

Bodies of shinigami laid everywhere, as the Great Captain of the 11th angerly gazed around him. All day his fellow subordinates had mysteriously fallen into an unconscious state, and were, seemingly, not waking up anytime soon. It wasn't like he was scared, oh no, Zaraki Kenpachi was _never _scared. Hell he looked everywhere for the culprit, maybe they could put up a good fight.

Walking to his office was like an obstacle course, carefully tip toeing over all those unconscious men. When he did arrive he found Madarame and Yumichika hiding in his office, cowering in a dark corner. The fruity man's violet eyes met Kenpachi's dark ones as he joyfully cried, "Thank the Lord he's come!"

"What the fuck are ya doing?!"

"C-captain! Shut the door! Hurry!"

"What do ya mean shut the door?! Why the hell are my men laying everywhere?!"

Bolting up, the bald 3rd seat lunged toward the wide open door. Slamming and dead bolting it shut, the man frantically yelled and waved his arms, "We're so dead Captain! She's coming to get us!"

Zaraki blinked, "She? Who-?" but he was interrupted as a loud tapping sounded from the window behind his desk. Turning his back to his two closest comrades the man withdrew his zanpakuto and glanced toward the window. Nothing. Turning back he began to grumble, "What the fu-," but he dropped hid ragged edged blade onto the wooden floor. Ikkaku and Yumi were sprawled out on the ground both out cold. "W-wha…?"

"Hello Kenpachi."

Glancing over his shoulder to the now open window and the woman who stood on his desk, arms folded in front of her chest, he let out a raspy, "You!"

A smirk spread across her lips as she crouched down into a ready position, "Yes me." In the blink of an eye she had leapt towards him, pummeling him into the hard ground, "Oh, yes Captain Zaraki it's me." Soi Fon pressed her cold lips onto his hot ones.

When she pulled away, her eyes were glazed over with that same lust filled and dreamy look Rangiku had. Zaraki on the other hand just gawked and blinked with amusement and desire, "If that's all ya wanted ya could've just asked."

A seductive smile spread across her face. She slowly ran a powerful yet slender hand down the front of his chest, "But then it wouldn't be any fun, now would it?" Straddling his lap she dug her nails into his arms and hissed in a low sultry vocie, "You've kissed that air headed Rangiku it seems."

His eye widened as he felt his body heat up, God the tiny woman was so sexy, "I had no choice. She could've blackmailed us and hell," he leaned in really close, "it was just one little kiss."

She raised a thin black eyebrow, "Just one "little kiss" could've turned into something more. Look what happened to us and that agreement of ours."

He smirked, oh yeah that "agreement" had definitely acted beneficial on his part, "So what ya gonna do 'bout it?"

She licked her lips, "Punish you of course."

AN: Had to do it. Please Review!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: WHEW! Ok this one is dedicated to **VFSNAKE** who graciously gave me the idea and is based off his story so I **did not copy**! Hope everyone enjoys! And to repeat, this is a bunch of oneshots featuring the two violent captains of the Gotei 13, not really one single story.

Kenpachi, the King

Soi Fon was pissed. As a matter of fact, all she could see was the thick rusted color of red, the blood of the man she wanted to slaughter this instant. How dare he screw with her like that?!

Captains Meeting: 5 minutes ago…

_Yamamoto gave a curt nod to Byakuya, "Thank you for your report I'll be sure to talk to Central Chamber 46 about it," he gave another nod toward the short obsessive Captain of the 2__nd__, "Next Captain Soi Fon. How has hollow patrol been?"_

_Standing up straighter than her previously slouched self, she cleared her throat before answering in a disappointed tone, "Not well I'm afraid. It seems Aizen has indeed been creating much stronger hollows. My subordinates are having trouble with them, and sometimes I have to stop whatever I'm doing to assist them."_

_A snort escaped from one of the waiting captains in the room._

_Turning his attention over to that said captain, Yamamoto raised in eyebrow, "May I ask what is so humorous, Captain Zaraki?"_

"_Yes," Soi Fon snarled out, she hated being laughed at, "What the hell is so funny?"_

_The large shinigami gave a shark toothed grin and lazily yet at the same time smugly replied, "Well, Yama-jii, my division is also on hollow patrol and we're not havin' any type of problems like Captain Shrimp's over there," the room groaned as Soi Fon's reaitsu flared up in rage and down right irritation, "I mean I don't even have to help most of the time, I just go when I wanna fight."_

_Yamamoto opened his eyes in amusement, "Really now? Well Captain Soi Fon, I suggest you take after Captain Zaraki and his training methods. Meeting dismissed."_

Now Soi Fon stood by the great doors impatiently waiting for Captain Zaraki to leave the 1st division. How dare Yamamoto even suggest for her to "take after" that foolish, repulsive ill-mannered man?! Ri-fucking-diculous! "Ya waitin' for me or somethin'?"

Spinning around she came face to face with the bastard, "What the hell was that about, _Captain_?!"

He continued to smirk, "That was only the truth. It seems that your division is nothin' compared to mine, and ya call yourselves the "skilled assassinatin' squad"? Ya can't even defeat hollows fer cryin' out loud!"

The vein in her dignified little head twitched as she glared angrily up at him, fist clenched in pure agonizing fury, "I'll have you know that my men are trained as excellent killers and your worthless buffoons do not even hold any expertise compared to mine!"

"Oh really?" Leaning done so that he was at eye level with her, Kenpachi simply replied, "Prove it!"

Eyes blazing with fire, she growled, "When and where?"

Gritting his teeth he hissed, "One hour, in the woods barely outside the East walls of this hell hole. There's a small field there, and I'm sure that with your "expertise" ya can find it pretty fucking easily."

"Fine. You had better not be late."

He smirked and patted her head before turning and waving back, "It's ya that had better not be late, princess."

With one last icy glare at his retreating form, Soi Fon stormed off towards her squad barracks to get ready to fight a battle that was worth dying for if she lost.

1 hour and 5 minutes later:

Soi Fon flash stepped as fast as she could towards her destination. So far she had become lost and had to start all the way back in Soul Society. It was embarrassing enough that she was late and if he was already their, God she wouldn't know what to do.

Upon arriving at an opened field, she came face to face with…nothing. No sign of the Spartan shinigami captain anywhere. Taking another san around the area, she could've sworn this was the place he was babbling about. Walking over to a tree she climbed up and sat on a branch, searching the region for Kenpachi's brutal reaitsu. Nope, nothing, he wasn't here yet. Growling she shook her head, of course he was fucking late! Leaping down onto the ground, Soi Fon began to stretch, unwinding her tense muscles.

Minutes slowly ticked by until a powerful blast of God-like reaitsu announced the demons arrival. Glaring with pure hatred, she watched as he stalked toward her waiting form, "You're late, _Zaraki_."

He snorted as he sent her an unappreciative glance, "I don't see ya havin' a kid, Shrimp. Ya would be busy too."

She rolled her eyes, "Well then," steely eyes meeting his dark one, she unconsciously touched her zanpakuto, "how are we going to do this?"

"A clean fight; no flash stepping, no kido, no shikai or bankai, only swords, sweat and blood. Whoever wins," he smirked dangerously at her, "can force the person to do whatever the hell they please."

Nodding, she fluently unsheathed Suzumebachi and threw off her captains coat, "Very well prepare yourself, you large useless imbecile."

He laughed, expertly withdrawing his large ragged-edged blade, "I think it's ya who should prepare, little girl," and with that little comment, he lunged forward, eyes glinting with bloodlust.

Blades slammed into one another as sparks flew. Soi Fon tried to aspire a nice clean cut at his chest, but he was quick and merely leapt back, forcing his sword to swing upward causing a small slash to ride up her leg and onto her thigh. Wincing she bolted towards his now laughing form. Aiming his blade at her rushing form he swung at her head, only to come in contact with air. She had slid right under his attack and got a hit into his right leg. Grinning he simply took the assault without any pain and taunted, "Is that all ya got, girly?!"

Growling she dashed at him again. Swords slammed, more sparks as Soi Fon leaned forward and hissed at him, "I'm just getting started you bastard!"

He laughed, "That's good; hear I just thought ya were a weakling!" Breaking away from their lock he swung at her again. She grimaced as his weapon slammed down against hers, God was he strong! Noticing her face scrunched up in pain he continued to laugh, "Come on! Show me what ya got!" Bang! Bang! Bang! He continued to slam into her blade. Her legs began to shake from all the blunt force he exerted on her way smaller form; soon, as predicted, her legs weakly gave out and she was on her knees. He just laughed and laughed as he continued his violent strikes on her Suzumebachi.

A smirk spread across her thin lips as she dodged to the right of his attacks, causing him to slam his sword into the ground. A little crater appeared. Grinning she lunged at his form and slashed his left side. Blood seeped through his coat as he grinned back, throwing his coat of so nonchalantly as if nothing happened, "Not bad cutie!" Spinning around he swung in an upward manner, aiming at her front. It cut the fabric a bit, but not as much to cause anything to really happen, she just had really good reflexes.

That's when it happened, the most evil genius plan to unfold in his chaotic and twisted mind. Surely the woman would never even expect it. Turning he ran towards her and dodged her sword. All he had to do was keep dodging until the perfect moment. Sweat was pouring down her face now, as well as her blood from the few nicks she had received. Those few factors didn't matter, winning was her top priority, her pride and life depended on it.

After a few more dodging maneuvers, the large man took the opportunity and sliced upward cutting at the fabric of her uniform. It was basically dangling now; however, Soi Fon didn't care. She just continued to attack and attack, exhaustion causing her movements to be slower, but still as powerful. Each powerful attack, he just grinned and grinned to her astonishment, what was so fucking amusing?!

With one more blow toward his large head, the wind that had been blowing form their exchange of blows increased. Suddenly to her absolute horror, her prized fighting uniform's top fell off her body. Zaraki's grin turned into his shark-toothed smile and yelled, "You're hot fucking tits are showin'!"

Her eyes widened as she frantically tried to cover herself. Loosing precious concentration on the battle at hand Kenpachi tackled her vulnerable form and pinned her under his massive frame, "It seems I won sexy."

The petite powerful woman was appalled as she lay under his massive form, arms pinned to her sides, his eyes scanning greedily over her body, "You fucking cheater!"

His orb met hers as he leaned over and replied, "I never cheat when it comes to fighting and the hot sex afterwards." He pressed his hot mouth against hers, erection pressing obviously against her pelvis.

A moan of pleasure escaped her throat, as she eyed him, God was he a good kisser, "Well winner, what do you purpose we do?"

His smile widened, "I think ya know what prize I want."

She seductively smiled back, "Very well. You know I hate you right?"

"Oh yeah, but trust me, you'll change your mind after this." Let's just say the rest was…_X-rated_.

AN: not really good at lemons, but, if anyone has any request or ideas, I'll think about it. Please REVIEW!


	7. Chapter 7

AN: I am soooo sorry! My computer literally died almost so it was being fixed...Anyway this is for **VFSNAKE** again! and don't worry **Crimson Angel Winges** yours is next!!

Soi Fon's Horrid Day

The air was brisk and sharp, holding the dreary promise for the harsh, non-forgivable weather conditions that were soon to come. Nevertheless, that did not trouble the ferocious, petite captain of the 2nd. No, the weather wasn't the least of her worries. It was today, this infernal disgusting day that Captain Soi Fon was dreading. Right at dawn, she had found herself awoken to her fat stupid vice-captain bursting into her quarters roaring, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, CAPTAIN!" That was when she knew, this day was all about her, and not in a good way.

She sighed as she skulked through the powdery pure white snow, clutching tightly at her thick woolen scarf while slowly making her way toward her office. The large buffoon had been punished of course, but that didn't stop the nagging feeling that he wasn't going to be the only annoyance to this worthless date.

Stepping into her darkly lit office, Soi Fon snarled as she feasibly fumbled around for the light switch. When her delicate powerful fingers felt the cool touch of the plastic, she gave a small flick, as the room lit up all around. A scoff and a low growl escaped the woman's lips, _Matsumoto_! The room was covered in blue, green, purple, red, yellow, and orange streamers, and she meant _covered_; all over the walls, the ceiling, the ground, her desk.

Reaching up, the angry and violent woman quickly snatched down a few of the colorful, "happy" looking pieces of flimsy paper, as she skulked towards her cluttered desk. Why couldn't people leave her alon-?! Wait! Were those presents? Yes, boxes with vibrant and vivid ribbons were stacked on her large wooden oak desk.

She glanced curiously at them as she sat down, what if these were a trap of some kind? Gently picking up the first one, a beautifully wrapped baby blue gift, she shook it a bit and listened as something clattered and clanged within. Withdrawing her zanpakuto, she stood and backed away a bit, while flicking the tip of the sword underneath the flap of the bright blue box. When the lid flipped opened and nothing exploded, hey she did have a lot of enemies, she peered inside, coming face to face with a tea set, jasmine. Plucking the card out, she read:

_Dear Captain Soi Fon,_

_I did not know what to get you, so I decided you needed something to calm those nerves you have. I hope you have a splendid and happy birthday!_

_Your fellow captain and friend,_

_Captain Unohana Retsu_

_P.S. Have you been taking your sedatives lately? I've been receiving a lot of your men who claim you were "a little angry". Please keep in mind that I am a very busy woman all ready and I don't need yours or Captain Kenpachi's subordinates taking up my whole squad barracks. Blah Blah Blah._

Soi Fon scrunched up her fist, crushing the card. She didn't want to be lectured, on her birthday nonetheless, and Unohana did have a reputation for her long, dull speeches that could make an insomniac person doze into slumber.

Putting aside the tea set, she reached for a bright green package. Picking up the card she read:

_We all need this in our lives!_

_Captain Kyōraku (the man)_

She snorted while rolling her eyes, its alcohol. Low and behold, it was alcohol...No wait, a _half bottle_ of sake.

Shaking her head she grasped for the next present; a bright pink box with little sketching of silver sakura petals and a wonderful handwritten card. The message read:

_I have no use for this and figured you may be able to use it in some abusive manner._

_The Noble,_

_Kuchiki Byakuya_

She grinned as a cold sensation ran up her spine when her fingers soothingly touched and cupped the ice freezing feeling of metal. In her hand was a perfectly prepared kunai. Leaning closer to gaze fondly at the magnificently made weapon as her observant eyes found gold delicately placed within the sterling silver point. Not bad, Kuchiki.

Throwing it over her shoulder and into the wall behind her she began her barrage of unwrapping gift after gift. A few were alright; shurikens, knives, books (paper weights), lotion, and kitty stuff (Yachiru's gift), and a card from Yoruichi-sama. She glanced disdainfully down at the rice crackers her vice-captain gave her…what a dumbass!

Throwing over in the useless, junk pile (tea sets, rice crackers, Mayuri's miracle drink aka poison or some sick experiment, a flimsy pink swimsuit from Nanao, probably the one Shunsui wanted her to wear, more alcohol thanks to Matsumoto, and much much more) her steel grey eyes examined the next chaotically wrapped red box. Plucking the card from the top, she examined:

_I thought you might like this since you're an obsessive pervert _(she was not an obsessive pervert!) _to begin with but hey, aren't we all?_

_Kenpachi_

It was pretty difficult to interpret, after all there were quite a few blood stains, and to her gruesome delight a tooth inside of the envelope.

Setting aside the letter she hastily ripped open the present. She glanced inside, before slamming the lid back on causing the desks creak and groan in protest. That was not what she thought it was! But was it? Taking another peek, her grey eyes almost popped out of her head while her jaw fell. It was a picture, no, a **naked** picture of Yoruichi-sama! Her delicious brown body posing in such a sexy, tempting and of course X-rated stance that blood slowly fell from Soi Fon's nose, drool sliding down her chin.

Hugging the picture close to her heaving chest her small body shook, more like seizure, in pure joy and happiness. Best birthday ever!...But how did he receive such a nasty photo? Glancing more curiously and intently on Yoruichi-sama's picture, she noticed a small note etched on the lower left hand corner:

_To a man who makes me hot and moist, thanks for a wonderful night!_

_Love,_

_Your Sex Cat (Pink lipstick kiss)_

Soi Fon passed out. She **hated** her birthday.

AN: Please review and if you have a request just ask!! But PLEASE REVIEW


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Okay this one's for **Crimson Angel Winges**! hope you enjoy it!** Kira michi** yours is up next!

Always Knock

Ikkaku and Yumichika have faced many disturbing sights in their long lives; from a soul's intestines spewing out all over the bloodshed ground of battle, to the image of Ikkaku with a full head of flowing hair, but what the two accidentally witnessed this fine sunny summer's day, would definitely and most accurately be named the Most Repulsive and Vile Day in their poor miserable lives.

It had started off like any normal, if you count Yachiru's consistent biting of Madarame's head normal. The sun had been shining, the birds singing a sweet, sweet song, and the Captain, well, missing. Now, sometimes Zaraki Kenpachi would disappear and get lost on a random day, but not when it was orientation day for the new recruits of the 11th. He _always_ managed to attend and "demonstrate" the art of the sword, aka fighting the brand new meat.

That's where our story begins…

Yumichika politely covered his mouth when he stifled a yawn. It, in his point of view, was too early and he wished for a few extra hours of beauty sleep, but then again, it was the day for new shinigami to enter the 11th division's gruesome family. So here he was, standing next to his old loyal friend, listening to the insistent whining of their _wonderful_ vice-captain.

"I'm tired! I wanna go back to bed!"

Ikkaku's eyebrow twitched as he roared irritably, "Aren't we all! Just shut your trap!"

Yachiru's red-brown eyes narrowed into a piercing glare, "Neeehh?! What did you say, Baldy-chan?!"

"I said, shut your trap!"

"Make me!"

"Children!" Yumichika "beautifully" exclaimed in an exasperated voice, "That's enough of your fighting! Save your energy for when the Captain arrives!"

Silence, "But where is Ken-chan?"

More silence, "I-I don't know. He's always here early when it comes to this…"

"Hey! I betcha he's sleeping! That's not fair! I'm gonna go wake Ken-chan up!" She began to position herself to sprint.

Ikkaku reached out and grabbed the little pink ball of energy by her collar, "Wait a minute, Vice-Captain. You need to stay here and begin lecturing them on being warriors of the 11th."

The girl pouted as she folded her arms and whined, "Why do I gotta do it?! Why can't you or Feather-Brows?!"

"Because Vice-Captain," Yumichika sent her a bright shiny smile, as he patted her pink head, "You're getting older and should begin learning about your responsibilities as Second in Command of the 11th squad."

"Fine," the little girl grumbled as she placed her hands on her hips and stormed off yelling, "Ok you dumbasses! I'm your Vice-Captain and I'm gonna be explaining all the rules of being apart of my division! Maki-Maki come here so I can show them some moves and stuff!"

Ikkaku and Yumichika sweat dropped, "Oi Yumi, uh, shouldn't we stay and supervise her or somethin'?"

The pretty man shook his head, "No, let's just quickly walk away and look for the Captain."

"Yeah…"

Screams of agony sounded behind them, entering the dark, mysterious halls of the 11th barracks.

*************************************************************************************

"Captain?" Yumichika called sweetly at the large oak doors of the Demon of Zaraki's bedroom, "Captain, are you awake?"

No reply.

Ikkaku shoved the fifth seat away as he said, "Here let me try. Oi Captain! You up?!" He pounded on the 11th's leader's door. No answer. "Captain?! Are *pound* you *pound* up *pound*?!"

The door creaked and groaned open from all of the bald headed third seats brutal beating.

Yumichika softly and gently pushed the heavy door wider as he peeked into the dimly lit room, "Capt-" he froze as his eyes adjusted to the lighting…No one was there. He turned and looked over his shoulder at his not so attractive friend, "Um…Ikkaku, is it weird that he's not here and that his bed's made?"

Madarame poked his head into the chamber of the beast, "Yeah…that kinda is…"

The glanced at one another, sweat forming on their brows, "W-what if the captains hurt?"

"Oi are ya stupid?! He's Zaraki Kenpachi! He's probably out on a top secret mission or something!"

"Yeah, you're probably right..." Silence… Suddenly a loud "Bang!" sounded from down the dark hallway. "Did you hear that?!"

The third seat nodded, eyes squinting in the darkness, "Yeah, ya kinda have to be pretty deaf if ya didn't hear that noise."

Another loud "Bang!" echoed.

"Um…shouldn't we go check that out?"

"Yeah…I guess we should." Ikkaku scratched the top of his head, "It sounds like its coming from the Captain's office."

"Bang!"

Yumichika nodded while he smoothed down his luscious black hair, "Alrighty! You go first!"

"Bang!"

His companion sent him a shadowy glance and stubbornly growled, "Why do I have to go first?! Why don't you?!"

"Bang!"

"Because I'm just the fifth seat," he batted his eyelashes as his voice sang out, "Lead the way~!"

"Fruity-bastard." But Ikkaku took a deep breath and started his journey down the sinister cold hallways.

Everything seemed so quiet and hushed, except for the two men's labored breathing and the constant sound of "Bang!" echoing from their intended destination. Time was at a stand still as their footsteps grew heavier and heavier, was their captain ok? Was he fighting someone at this early hour? Finally, after what seemed like hours, basically like a minute, the two arrived at the large doors of their captain's office. "Bang!" "Bang!"

"Go ahead, Ikkaku, open the door," Yumichika whispered pushing his close friend towards the sound.

Ikkaku's eyes met the fifth seat's as he hissed, "Oi why don't you?!"

The pretty man sighed and huffed a, "Fine, you're such a baby!" A shudder went up his spine as he placed his pale hands on the cold knob of the entry way. He swallowed and whispered to himself, "Ok Yumi, nothing to be afraid of. Just open the door and look in. Yeah that's right."

"Hurry up!" Madarame snarled poking his friend in the shoulder blades.

"Don't rush perfection!"

"What the hell do you mean "_perfection_"?! Just open the goddamn door!"

"Fine, you ugly man!" Sweating he took a deep breath and cracked opened the door, peering inside for the hulking form of his beloved leader. What he saw…he almost vomited and Yumichika does _not_ lose his breakfast. Inside he didn't just see his captain's large form but also a much smaller form of someone he, to his horror, completely knew.

"Oi Yumi, what do you see?!"

He didn't respond; instead his violet eyes were only glued onto the two forms and what they were **doing**. The banging sound emitting from the Kenpachi's desk that was slowly hitting the wall every time his captain moved. A moan escaped from his captain's companion, Captain Soi Fon.

"Yumi? What's going on?" Ikkaku once again, shoved his partner in crime from the peephole and peered inside, "…No fucking way…" A gagging noise sounded from his throat as he hurriedly and of course quietly shut the door. Grabbing his friend by the arm, Ikkaku forced the now violently twitching fifth seat down the corridor away from the terrible sight. The image glued to the minds of the poor seated officer's heads.

Once far away from the dreaded workplace, both collapsed to the ground. Tears streamed from Yumichika's eyes as he cried out, "Oh my God! My eyes, my beautiful eyes, now tainted with the filth of those two and their stupid actions!"

Ikkaku didn't answer.

Yumichika reached over and began shaking his friend's shoulders, "Ikkaku, please answer me! Tell me something that may get rid of this ghastly image!"

A raspy voice escaped from the third seats lips, eyes blank staring into nothing, "Captain was fucking Captain Soi Fon. Captain was fucking Captain Soi Fon. Captain was _fucking_ Captain Soi Fon!"

"Ikkaku!" Yumichika sobbed as he pawed at his once clean orbs, "Stop saying that!"

Madarame just gawked, "I can't believe this." He then began to chuckle, "She probably is an animal!"

"IKKAKU!" Even though it was unattractive, Yumichika turned plainly green, "I'm going to be sick…"

Madarame didn't even acknowledge his friend's comment until it was too late. Yumichika leaned over and threw up into the third seat's lap. "Yumi!" But he couldn't say anymore before he too upchucked onto the ground.

The rest of the day, the two men locked themselves in the bathroom, refusing to come out even if the captain came a knocking.

Lesson of the Day: always knock before entering and make sure you know where your Captain is and what he/she is doing at all times. Literally doing.

AN: There will be most likely another chapter dedicated to this one, since I know you all are dying to find out how the two captains may react if they discover the two's intrusion. PLEASE REVIEW!


	9. Chapter 9

AN: Ok this one is for my dear reader **Kira michi!** I really hope you enjoy this one and I'm sorry its so short I'm trying to catch up with my writing! Sorry all for not updating!

Betrayal

Tears, hot and moist, dripped slowly and sorrowfully down the young woman's pale face as she curled timidly up into the sheets of her lonely bed. What had caused the female shinigami such pain one may ask? Simple the man she had unruly loved had betrayed her. Captain Soi Fon flipped over onto her other side staring tearfully at the window, who casted a low solemn glow from the moon up and above. Why should she be so distressed over this? She was used to betrayal for fucking sakes! How was this any different then like before with Yoruichi-sama, the person she had loved and worshiped with all her being? **The woman who killed her, the little bumble bee.**

A sob reeked through her petite frame as she feebly brought a hand up to her mouth stifling yet another weak gasp, she had trusted him. She had trusted him with all her heart and soul and now this! He betrayed her and with what? No…wait…with whom?! That fucking slut Matsumoto Rangiku, the skank of all Soul Society, of the whole fucking universe!

More tears flooded in her eyes as she pathetically tried to shut her dark orbs, capturing the falling tears from continuing their somber trail down her flushed cheeks. Shoving the light sheets off her small figure, she sat up and cupped her head tightly in her hands, tugging angrily at her knotted black hair, why was she so weak?! Why couldn't she just move on and forget about that barbarian? The images of her and him laughing and smiling began to dance around in her chaotic mind, the answer? She loves him. More images, this time of what she had absentmindedly walked in on, mockingly laughed at her. Grabbing the pillow from behind her back she chucked it with all her might across the room smacking into the picture of her and his captured memory, the photo of their supposed relationship, their love, her and Kenpachi's.

She intently listened as it fell off from the dresser smashing forcibly into the wooden floor and shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces. The sound caused yet another wave to crash into her again as more sobs rang out through the dark dismal room. She had definitely seen what she had perceived, the passionate love Matsumoto and he had made in his large bed. The shameless moans the strawberry blonde had intentionally emitted from swollen pink lips, Kenpachi's grunts of total rapture as he thrusted powerfully into the beautiful woman.

Fuck them! The Captain of the 2nd had walked with joy over to the 11th compounds hoping to have a romantic late night dinner with the large man, what had she so naively received instead? Oh right, disloyalty, unfaithfulness, infidelity. She remembered his shocked look as he stared over at her, how he didn't bother moving from his "rooted position" as he called out, "Soi wait this isn't what it looks like?!" In a reply, she had simply closed the door on the two. With baited breath she walked bravely and steadly from squad 11, chin held up high pride wafting around her. Nevertheless right when her foot stepped out from the 11th, she shunpoed as fast as her body could take her back to her quarters.

Glancing over at Suzemebachi, which leaned subtly and admirably against the cool dull wall Soi Fon thought furiously to herself, why didn't she just kill them? Stab them, cut out their ungrateful hearts, and decapitate them with all her strength? Because she had hoped that what she had witnessed was not indeed what it looked like. But she knew, oh she knew what her cold eyes had undoubtedly had just observed.

Betrayal.

Kenpachi pulled rapidly out of the woman when the door had unfeelingly closed on the two. What had he done?

Matsumoto grudgingly sat up as she gasped out a small, "Kenpachi-kun?"

"Leave," he needed to be alone, now.

"Kenpachi?" the bodacious woman slid across the bed and laid a small hand on his broad shoulders, "Maybe she'll be alright with this."

"Leave."

"I mean," she pressed her warm lips against his thick neck, "Let's finish what we started. I need you."

He harshly pulled away as he pointed compulsorily at the door the love of his life had closed on them, "Leave this instant!" His reaitsu flared warningly and dangerously.

Matsumoto quickly and obediently dressed herself as she guiltily slid from the room, pain and regret washing over her. She was a fool.

Angrily Kenpachi dressed, why did he do it? Because he was horny? He was stupid? He was…scared? Ha! Him? _Scared_?! Unacceptable.

Growling he slammed his fist into the wall causing a nice decent hole to form, he was scared. He loved her, and he fucked it up because he's terrified to love and be loved. It was as if he was confined to one person, that he was caged into this emotion which he had never truly experience. Yachiru was a different story; he loves her as his daughter. Soi Fon…she is a completely diverse obsession. He loves her because she's powerful, independent, sexy and…**she is her**.

Damnit he screwed up. Glancing at the picture of him and her smiling on his bedside, he get;y and sadly plucked it tenderly up. Running a thumb over her face he knew what he had just done. **He had killed the little bumble bee…**

AN: Ok Please REVIEW!! and go ahead and make requests!!


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